"LAWFUL EVENTS"

I got the worst case of stomach flu ever, I now have all the Superman Slurpee cups from 7-11, my Australian friend James is coming up from Salt Lake City this weekend, my back hurts.


"POINT OF REVIEW" (notice I now call this section, Point of "Review" and not "View" -- well, at least I like it)



The Cutting Edge
Starring D.B. Sweeney, Moira Kelly, Terry O’Quinn
Written by Tony Gilroy and Directed by Paul Michael Glaser


At this moment in time, I am screenwriter that is still unsearchable on IMDB, therefore making me not really a legit screenwriter. Now if I were to try and pitch you a story about an ex-hockey player who teams up with a bitchy figure skater and together they go on to win the gold medals at the Olympics and fall in love -- you would probably think I should stick to my day job. But what producers and people in development often forget is that the key to any successful movie is not how plausible an idea is, but how much potential for magic there is in it. Just look at Mr. M. Night Shyamalan -- he is laughing his magical ass to the bank while whole studios are going bankrupt.

D.B. Sweeney, the actor who portrayed Shoeless Joe Jackson in Eight Men Out, plays yet another athlete: Doug Dorsey. Doug Dorsey is a member of the US Men’s Olympic Hockey Team and is being hailed as the next big thing. He is like fire on ice and is also is quite fiery with the ladies as well. Ah, the life of a hockey player. Moira Kelly (Billy Bathgate), plays Kate Moseley, the bitchy princess US pairs figure skater with tonnes of potential, but no medals or permanent skating partner to show for it. After Dorsey gets permanently injured in a game and Kate literally falls on her ass in front of the world, we can pretty much shelf the careers of these two superstars, but wait, we are forgetting magic. Flash forward several years and Dorsey is now working in construction (why do “losers” always end up in construction in movies, I happen to think construction is a very respectable and well paying occupation) and Kate is still auditioning partners with her new Russian skating coach, Anton Pamchenko (Roy Dotrice), in the middle of nowhere. Being the kick-ass coach that Pamchenko is, he thinks outside-of-the-box and looks to Dorsey as the next contestant on the skater-is-right. Kate and Dorsey hate each other with a vengeance, which of course we all know means that they love each other just as much. And here is where the fun begins.

For like the next forty minutes of the movie, director Paul Michael Glaser (that’s right, the original Starsky from Starsky and Hutch; who would have thought he would go on to direct movies, I certainly didn’t) brings us Dorsey and Kate bickering and fighting and skating and gaining respect for each other and eventually even loving one another. Their worlds are so different, but yet so similar. Maybe it is the ice that joins them as one. Who knows -- but what we do know is that Kate has a long distance relationship going with some other guy (let this be a lesson, don’t have long distance relationships -- they don’t work!) and Dorsey just can’t seem to keep his pants zipped (he is a guy, self-explanatory) -- both these things drive each of them crazy and just make them realize even more that they need to be more than just partners on the ice.

I don’t need to tell you that they eventually win the gold medals at the Olympics (the pair perform a move call the “Pamchenko” that looks more like a death swing than a figure skating move; worth the price of admission right there) and they eventually win each other’s love as well, but what I do feel the need to tell you is that no matter how ridiculous this movie may seem on the surface, it is truly something fun and unique and you will have a blast watching it. Again, I thought the movie was going to be a piece of garbage based on the premise alone when I first heard of it, but somehow it all comes together and it works. Call it magic or call it whatever you want, The Cutting Edge is classic cinematic gold that will be loved by figure skating fans and enjoyed by moviegoers.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: Crazy premise, but maybe that is what makes it so enjoyable to watch.

The Bad: Contains your regularly scheduled romantic comedy cliches.

The Law: The Cutting Edge deserves a standing ovation.