*King Leonidas: This is where we fight! This is where they die!

Captain: On these shields, boys!

[Spartans cheer]

King Leonidas: Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time.

Persian Officer: SPARTANS! Lay down your weapons!

King Leonidas: Persians...COME AND GET THEM!



300
Starring Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West
Written by Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad, Michael Gordon
Directed by Zack Snyder


THE CASE: In 480 B.C., something called the Battle of Thermopylae happened where the King of Sparta lead his army consisting of only 300 soldiers against a hell of a lot more Persians in a historic battle that inspired all of Greece to join forces to take on the Persians and legendary graphic novelist Frank Miller to create a book on the battle.


THE GOOD: The film is incredibly stylish and very “visually pleasing” -- as I like to say. It was created in the same fashion as Robert Rodriguez’s Sin City (another graphic novel from Frank Miller) in that the film was shot entirely on a sound stage flanked by blue and green screens. Gerard Butler oozes with manhood (sometimes cheese) and gives a very loud and robust performance. He fits in perfectly with the other 300 loud and robust men who looked like they just stepped off the latest Hanes underwear commercial or WWE ring -- and together they manage to stab, poke, rake, kick, punch, and slash their way through wave after wave of angry Persians. Yes, at times this does look and feel a little gay (especially when all the guys are standing around admiring each other for a job well done) -- but in general, this film is pumped to the max with testosterone. After watching this film I wanted to eat large portions of meat, watch football, shoot firearms randomly into the air -- all while having a threesome with one supermodel and one fitness instructor. 300 is filled with violence, bare breasts, blood, action, loud yelling, and surprisingly some story and character development. Not bad, eh?


THE BAD: Because going into 300 I knew that the whole film was shot on a sound stage in front of blue and green screens -- I was constantly thinking of this as I watched the film. This took away a lot of the enjoyment for me. It created a claustrophobic feeling similar to the one I felt when I watched Sin City and was once again very distracting. The visual translation from comic book to film screen is very good -- but I think the key for filmmakers doing this kind of thing is to remember that a film is a film for a reason and simply translating visuals to the screen in a verbatim way is not good enough to create an enjoyable cinematic experience for audiences.


THE LAW: If you are guy -- go see 300. If you are a girl who is practically like a guy -- go see 300. If you are homosexual or wish you were less homosexual -- go see 300. Basically if you are not someone contemplating seeing Hugh Grant’s latest -- go see 300.

*Dave Toschi: I've been thinking...

Paul Avery: Oh God, save us all.


Zodiac
Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr., Mark Ruffalo
Written by James Vanderbilt and Directed by David Fincher


THE CASE: Based on the real life events of the infamous Zodiac serial killer case in the San Francisco Bay Area featured in Robert Graysmith’s bestselling book -- we witness how obsession takes over the lives of specific detectives, newspaper journalists, and everyday people trying to solve the puzzle that is the Zodiac killer.


THE GOOD: David Fincher is stability in an industry where there is no stability. He always makes a good, solid film. Every time. Seven, The Game, Fight Club, Panic Room -- and now Zodiac. David Fincher is extremely skilled at making dark, damp crime thrillers and he litters Zodiac with that talent. The lighting makes you feel cold and the pacing is sinfully methodical. Considering Zodiac is about a cryptic serial killer case that spans decades -- these kinds of elements are perfect. Add in wonderfully playful performances by Jake Gyllenhaal and Robert Downey Jr. and you have one of the best films of 2007 so far.


THE BAD: I love how this film seemed to last forever. It really helped me feel the frustration that the characters in the film were feeling as they obsessed over years on solving the mystery of the Zodiac. Unfortunately though, some people out there are not like me and will feel that at 2hrs and 40 mins -- this film is a little too long-winded. It is also a downer that Zodiac is not performing at all at the box office.


THE LAW: Go see this film. Ignore the majority and go see Zodiac. Like I said, it is by a reliable director (David Fincher), is full of wonderful performances, and considering it is a thriller based on actual events -- what more can you ask for? Loved it -- and if you are a fan of cerebral entertainment (ie. you did not see Norbit) -- then I strongly encourage you to see Zodiac.

*George Reeves: Toni, don't do this.

Toni Mannix: But you've got your projects, haven't you? You're going to be a director. You'll sit in your little canvas chair polishing your balls. Thank God I got rid of that hag I had to screw. What was her name? The one who paid for everything! The one who bought me a fucking house!

George Reeves: For God's sake...

Toni Mannix: You want publicity? You'll get it. I'll say you're a Red. And a faggot. A lush. Nobody can call that a lie!

George Reeves: You know what? You've never helped me. You never helped me! You could've talked to Eddie. You could've gotten me something, but you didn't! Because you liked me where I was, in a fucking red suit! You liked that! Well, that's not who I am, understand? God damn you!

Toni Mannix: ...But, George, that's all you were good for. Ten-year-olds and shut-ins. That was the best you were ever going to be. I knew that, why didn't you?



Hollywoodland
Starring Adrien Brody, Diane Lane, Ben Affleck
Written by Paul Bernbaum and Directed by Allen Coulter


THE CASE: The mysterious death of actor George Reeves, who played Superman on TV’s Adventures of Superman is the inspiration for this crime drama borderlining on film noir about a hard-nosed detective who tries to unravel the complicated life of George Reeves and while doing so realizes the complications in his own life.


THE GOOD: A very well executed film as far as esthetics from veteran HBO director Allen Coulter (Rome, The Sopranos, Sex and the City). The camera moves with skill and purpose and is placed with thoughtfulness. The glamorous side of the film really feels like old Hollywood and the underbelly feels truly ugly. Diane Lane once again pulls off another well-rounded performance (why doesn’t she have an Oscar yet?) and Adrien Brody reminds us why he is an Oscar winner. The DVD comes with some great extras such as “A Look at Hollywood Then and Now” which takes and in-depth look at the old Hollywood system as compared to now and some excellent features on the George Reeves murder case and the creation of the sets in the film. A director commentary by Allen Coulter is also included.


THE BAD: The screenplay written by Paul Bernbaum is precise, but that is not necessarily a good thing. Plot points and characters really need to be playful for a film that borderlines on noir to be really fun to watch and absorb. That is where Hollywoodland fails if anything; it needs to be more playful. I was hoping for a career defining performance out of Ben Affleck with such a juicy role like playing the complicated George Reeves, but unfortunately he does not deliver. Ben Affleck still looks and feels like Ben Affleck. Good for Jennifer Garner, but bad for his film career.


THE LAW: Being a big fan of Superman and all that is Superman as well as the film noir genre -- I really enjoyed this film. From an objective standpoint, the film is a little to clean cut for me, but definitely a nice film to watch on a rainy Saturday evening or Sunday afternoon.

Beijing Bicycle (Shiqi sui de dan che)
Starring Lin Cui, Bin Li, Yuanyuan Gao
Written by Peggy Chiao, Hsiao-ming Hsu, Danian Tang, Xiaoshuai Wang
Directed by Xiaoshuai Wang


THE CASE: A funny and often times touching story about how a bicycle impacts the lives of two young men struggling for recognition and happiness in the frenetic city of Beijing, where a bicycle is worth more to a person than a car.


THE GOOD: Great storytelling is always the key to great filmmaking. Beijing Bicycle is the perfect example of this. Writer/director Xiaoshuai Wang keeps things simple stupid and lets the humanity of his characters drive the film. Quei is essentially a simple minded, but strong character a la Forrest Gump, who comes to the big city in search of a better life by getting a job as a bike courier, which includes him getting a new bike. Jian is a student who is at the age where he feels he needs a bike to impress the hot girl at school, and after failing to get one from his father -- he decides to steal Quei’s. Wang skillfully navigates this universal tale of acceptance and recognition by first introducing us to each character in great detail and then aggressively mashes their two worlds together. The film is also surprisingly violent which you will either get a real kick out of or not.


THE BAD: When the film drifts towards more of a North American style, that is when it is at its weakest. Using time lapse techniques to emphasize comedic moments and using stereotypical characters like the big bad bully and stud at school are where the film falters a bit.


THE LAW: Beijing Bicycle is a unique film. It offers an insightful look at life in the city of Beijing as well as an insightful look at the human condition.

Fear of Intimacy (Tsui tsong aan chin yen)
Starring Tony Leung Ka Fai, Michelle Saram, Mei Ching Lam
Written by Anna Lai & Directed by Vincent Chui


THE CASE: A romantic thriller out of Hong Kong about a soulful and talented photojournalist who becomes a sleazy, womanizing papparazzo after the love of his life disappears without a trace.


THE GOOD: The film starts out very dark and moody. The audience is immediately drawn in by Tony Leung Ka Fai’s character and can’t help but be intrigued by the haunting beauty of Mei Ching Lam. There is minimal exposition and maximum disposition, which is the perfect way to start off a romantic thriller. There is also a hot love scene at the beginning -- which is also another perfect way to start off a romantic thriller (no nudity though, sorry boys and some girls).


THE BAD: Unfortunately, all good starts don’t always lead to good middles and endings. The film slowly becomes more and more conventional and cliched as it advances and it doesn’t help that the moment the supporting cast opens their mouths, we realize what terrible actors they really are. Michelle Saram, who appears to be half-East Indian and half-Chinese is especially bad, but looks like she might be a good date on a Friday night.


THE LAW: If you are bored, and I mean extremely bored, one particular weekend -- then I would recommend checking out this film from 2004. If you have anything remotely interesting to do -- anything -- then I would do that instead. This film is a bore.

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