The Avengers
Starring Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery
Written by Don MacPherson, Directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik


When the opening credits of a film are the most exciting part of the film, that is a big problem. This and many other horrible, horrible things is true of The Avengers. The Avengers is a very, very, bad film that is far worse than you can even imagine. Yes, it is that bad.

The film is based on the popular British television series of the same name starring the far more charming duo of Patrick Macnee and Diana Rigg. Although very charming people in person, I am sure -- Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman have the chemistry and entertainment value of a piece of cardboard and a soda cracker. Ralph Fiennes plays John Steed, an agent in the British Ministry, who teams up with Mrs. Emma Peel, a beautiful doctor, and together they trot off together to investigate a diabolical plot led by one Sir August de Wynter, played by a very out-of-place, Sean Connery. Sir August de Wynter is planning to take over the world with a weather control machine and it is up to Steed and Peel to stop him. If only someone could have stopped the filmmakers from making this film!

The Avengers tries to lace the script with the wit and charm of a James Bond movie, but at times I swear the back-and-forth between the characters is better in a porn film. The action is flat and at no point do you ever feel for any of the characters or what happens next. Having looked up previous and current work done by the director and screenwriter of this film, it appears that they have not done much before and since The Avengers came out. Hmm... I wonder why?

I stayed away from this film for the longest time and now I wish I had continued doing that. After watching the film I had a massive headache and wanted to rip my head off. Please, I warn you -- DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WATCH THE AVENGERS NO MATTER WHAT!


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: There is nothing good about this film.

The Bad: Where do I begin...

The Law: Just pretend this film does not exist. You are better off, trust me.

My Sassy Girl (2001)
Starring Tae-hyun Cha, Ji-hyun Jun, Wok-suk Song
Written by Jae-young Kwak, based on the novel by Ho-sik Kim
Directed by Jae-young Kwak


I have been really impressed by Korean cinema as of the last five years. It is insightful, entertaining, and a lot of times better than most Hollywood fare. I love Korean films and I love My Sassy Girl. I love watching people fall in love and this film does a really good job of telling the age-old story of a boy meeting a girl.

When Kyun-woo (Tae-hyun Cha) first encounters his Sassy Girl (Ji-hun Jun, who if I might add is the one of the cutest things on the planet), she is completely drunk and one of the saddest, cutest, funniest girls he has ever met. Even though he doesn’t realize it at first (surprise, surprise), he loves this girl. So after she vomits all over an old man on their subway ride and passes out, Kyun-woo “rescues” her and from that point on they are attached to each other whether they like it or not. They are “just friends”, but everyone thinks they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Why? Because they look so damn cute together and there is so much chemistry between them. Throughout the film we see them develop a strong friendship together and fall in love. The magic however, is in the fact that throughout the whole film we never see them kiss or be sexual with each other. Now that is true friendship and love! Kyun-woo is a hysterically funny character that tries to act tough, but is just a complete softie -- especially around Sassy Girl. Sassy Girl is loud, opinionated, sweet, aggressive, hard to figure out -- all the qualities softie-guys-who-act-tough always fall for.

The film explores the reasons why each character is the way they are and proves that best friends really do make the best lovers. My Sassy Girl sounds like your typical romantic comedy -- but it is not. All the classical date scenes get turned upside down and all the cliches of the genre are challenged.

When I finally fall in love with a girl, I hope to God she is like the Girl from My Sassy Girl. She is perfect, and so is this film.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: A fresh romantic comedy that is emotionally sweet.

The Bad: Being remade in North America, with Elisha Cuthbert as the Sassy Girl.

The Law: Definitely make a date with My Sassy Girl.

Munich
Starring Eric Bana, Daniel Craig, Geoffrey Rush
Written by Tony Kushner & Eric Roth
Directed by Steven Spielberg

I bow down to you again, Mr. Spielberg. Once again Steven Spielberg dazzles us with his talent and leaves us in awe. With Munich, Steven Spielberg gives us visceral, intense action and a story that makes us really feel, think, and question. Munich is art and history at its best.

The story begins with the 1972 Munich Olympic tragedy that involved eleven Israeli athletes being taken hostage and murdered by a Palestinian terrorist group known as Black September. The movie then shows us the aftermath when a team of five is formed, led by a man named Avner (Eric Bana, with a powerful performance), a low-level Mossad techie-turned-assassin -- who’s mission is to assassinate the people supposedly behind the kidnappings, one-by-one. Together the five track down and kill the men, while dealing with other distractions like the CIA, KGB, and PLO. After like the sixth killing, Avner, who has a wife and baby girl, and appears to be quite peaceful if you ignore all the killing, begins to question if what they are doing is right or not and what it means to be a Jew.

The action sequences in Munich are on par with that of any John Woo film and the quality of the filmmaking is equal to what Spielberg did on Schindler’s List. That is what I call a film! A historically relevant storyline with hyper-violence. That is Munich. The film also does not take any specific political side and lets the audience see the world view they want to see and presents a few questions for them about it. Munich, definitely one of the best films of 2005.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: Munich. Steven Spielberg. Need I say more.

The Bad: Confusing at times if you are not familiar with the subject matter. Also a little long towards the end, clocking in at 144 mins.

The Law: Watch Munich for its wonderful execution and entertainment value.

Lost
Starring Dean Cain, Ashley Scott, Danny Trejo
Written and Directed by Darren Lemke

A direct-to-video movie starring ex-Superman, Dean Cain, by a first time director. It has bad movie written all over it, doesn’t it? Well, that is what I would have thought too -- until I watched Lost. Lost (not to be mistaken with the TV series), the 2004 direct-to-video flick actually delivers, unlike so many other direct-to-video flicks that don’t.

Dean Cain stars as Jeremy Stanton, who at first appears to simply be a business man lost somewhere in the middle of the Nevada desert. He has been driving and driving and driving, struggling to find his way to a place called Red Ridge. But as he continues to drive, receiving shotty directions from a road-side assistance operator (Ashley Scott) and phone calls from his wife wondering how much longer it is before he comes home -- we begin to sense that Jeremy Stanton is becoming a great big metaphor for life. He is a man with a wife and a young son, a man at a point in his life where he is at a crossroad, and a man desperately looking for “signs” to point him in the right direction. We find out he is lost in life and on the road. Earlier in the day he helped rob a bank, double crossed one of his partners, and is now on the run from the authorities and the bad guys. All he wants to do is make it back to his family so they can start a new life. Can he figure it all out in time? Watch the movie.

Dean Cain really shows us he can act in Lost. He goes from a man who is in complete control to a man who realizes that life can’t be controlled. Dean Cain gives us a multi-layered performance in this film. Writer/director, Darren Lemke, utilizes the desert environment perfectly, creating a tension filled and emotionally dizzying story, proving again that you don’t need a big budget to tell a great story -- all you need is a great story.

Since Lost was not released in theatres, next time you are at the video store, I strongly suggest you drop a couple of dollars and check out Lost. You won’t be sorry.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: A great direct-to-video flick that will surprise you with how good it is.

The Bad: It never got a theatrical release and can only be found on video.

The Law: Go rent Lost, tonight!

Corpse Bride
Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Emily Watson
Written by John August & Pamela Pettler
Directed by Mike Johnson & Tim Burton


Corpse Bride is beautiful. How is that for an oxymoron. Tim Burton has done it again and created another dark and breathtaking fairy tale that can be enjoyed by audiences of all ages.

Inspired by a 19th century Russian-Jewish folktale about a man who accidentally marries a corpse, Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride tells the story of an arranged marriage between Victor Van Dort and Victoria Everglot, two kids in a Victorian age where families still try to marry-off their kids to better their status and fatten their pockets. Victor (voiced by Johnny Depp) is a timid soul that seems bored with life and its normalities, that is until he meets Victoria (voiced by Emily Watson). At first both Victor and Victoria are cold to the idea of marrying someone they have never met, but once they meet, they instantly feel a connection to one another. It looks like everything just might turn out okay after all, that is until Victor accidentally proposes to a corpse and gets sucked into the depths of the underworld. Now both Victoria and Emily, aka Corpse Bride, want Victor to be their husband. The usually female companionless Victor now has two women after him; not a bad change in his life -- except for the fact that one of the females is already dead.

Corpse Bride is pure eye candy. Using traditional still-frame animation techniques and some of Hollywood’s biggest names for voices -- Corpse Bride is a masterpiece. Tim Burton shows us how far he has come since A Nightmare Before Christmas and reminds us that he is still one of the most talented filmmakers of our time. The film has some Disney-style musical numbers featuring dancing skeletons and some really comedic moments, utilizing the idea that the dead are more “alive” than the living (nicely conveyed with all the living characters appearing rather colorless and the dead in vibrant shades of color).

Corpse Bride is definitely worth checking out, whether you are a fan of animation or not. It has an appealing look, a wonderful cast, and is full of life.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: Corpse Bride is fun and lively!

The Bad: Story may be a little dark for a handful of people.

The Law: Definitely propose to Corpse Bride.

"LAWFUL EVENTS"

I went to the Richmond Night Market. Lots of great food, good looking girls, and shady items from HK. Good times!



Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Starring Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Shannon Elizabeth
Written and Directed by Kevin Smith


To someone who has never seen a single Kevin Smith movie before -- this film is worthless. To someone who has followed his career since Clerks -- this film is gold. Kevin Smith is not a brilliant director, but fortunately for him and us, he is one funny writer. And that has always been the selling point for his films. That and his trademark characters, Jay and Silent Bob, who we first met in Clerks, way back at the beginning of the 90’s Miramax/Indie film era.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is like a love letter to the characters of Jay and Silent Bob and Kevin Smith’s beloved characters from Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy. He also manages to show us his “view askew” (name of Smith’s production company) on things like the film industry, its movies, and the internet culture. The plot is not hard to understand: Jay and Silent Bob go on a road trip to Hollywood to try and stop Miramax from making a movie based on them, since they are receiving no royalties and getting bashed on the internet by geeks for it. So off go Jay and Silent Bob, where along the way they end up meeting Jay’s dream girl, played by American Pie’s Shannon Elizabeth, who ends up getting them involved in an ape stealing fiasco. They also meet a slew of characters like Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, played by Will Ferrell and others played by Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Chris Rock, George Carlin, Seann William Scott, Judd Nelson, Eliza Dushku, Ali Larter, Jamie Kennedy, etc, etc, etc -- needless to say, Smith has access to a lot of people.

Filled with inside jokes from other popular films (ET, Star Wars, Good Will Hunting, Scream) and plenty of potty-mouthed and just plain potty humour, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is probably not the best date film, but if you and the guys want to feel like you are drunk and in your teens again -- this is the film for you. And if you happen to also be a Kevin Smith/film/pop culture aficionado, then this is definitely the film for you.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: A fun time for fans of Kevin Smith only.

The Bad: Like a big inside joke and if you’re not inside, this film has nothing to offer you.

The Law: Kevin Smith fan = Watch!
Who is Kevin Smith? = Don’t watch!

The Boondock Saints
Starring Willem Dafoe, Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus
Written and Directed by Troy Duffy


Imagine sleeping with a supermodel and then being disappointed afterwards. This is how I felt after watching The Boondock Saints. It seemed like everybody I met was telling me to watch The Boondock Saints. So finally, I watched it. And sadly, I was majorly disappointed. I was so excited about watching this film -- from the cool DVD menu to all the comments about how cool and funny it was -- I was pumped for this film. Maybe that was why I was letdown, maybe not, since I have been pumped for a film before and been satisfied afterwards. Whatever the case may be, The Boondock Saints left me half-cocked, so to speak.

The story, oh the story -- it definitely had potential. Two Irish brothers living in the shady parts of Boston believe God is telling them to kill off all the “bad guys” in their neighborhood. How cool is that?! Very! We also have Willem Dafoe playing a gay and flamboyant (like that never goes together) homicide detective that is hot on the trail of these two brothers, not knowing if he should arrest them or join them. How cool is that?! Very. Each killing is deconstructed by Dafoe first, and then the actual killing is revealed -- creating a very fun and unpredictable cat-and-mouse type story. Great stuff! With the always cool, Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus playing the two brothers, this movie had a lot going for it. Now comes the bad part. About half-way through the movie, a character known as “The Funny Man” joins the two brothers on their bad-guy killing spree -- and that for me is when the sh*t hit the fan. This character is annoying to the point that I wanted to punch him through my TV screen. He was played way, way, way too over-the-top and ruined the feel of the film. Then came all the cliches. Note to all new filmmakers: STOP TRYING TO BE QUENTIN TARANTINO OR WORSE, GUY RITCHIE! Whenever you hear of an independent movie like The Boondock Saints, this first thing you hope for is that it doesn’t try to imitate a Tarantino or Ritchie flick. The Boondock Saints has a lot of original things going for it -- but it also unfortunately contains too many bad guys talking cool and slow motion gunfire to make it unique.

So, I am sure at some point in time you are going to have someone tell you to check out The Boondock Saints and when they do, just remember that the less you expect from it, the better. Let this also be a lesson to not always date supermodels.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: Some cool sequences, good lead characters, if anything just watch the film for Willem Dafoe.

The Bad: Falls into the “hey, let’s copy Tarantino and Ritchie” trap.

The Law: Check out the film, but don’t have any expectations going into it and you might enjoy it.

"LAWFUL EVENTS"

I went on a family road trip to Whistler. We stopped in Squamish, Porteau Cove, and we had Cow's Ice Cream. It was a lot of fun and reminded me how much I actually love my family. Very refreshing.



"POINT OF REVIEW"


Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Starring Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly
Written by John August and Directed by Tim Burton


Being a comic book and superhero fan, it was natural that at the age of eleven I saw Tim Burton’s name many times. Of course we all know Tim Burton directed 1989’s legendary Batman film and from that point on he has treated us to many dark and fantastic tales that somehow always make us smile. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is no exception.

You may remember the 1971 version of the Roald Dahl book, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, starring Gene Wilder -- but let me state that Tim Burton’s interpretation of the book is no remake whatsoever. It is a true original. How can it be anything else with Tim Burton and Johnny Depp headlining. If you are not familiar with the story of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it is about a wunderkind chocolate maker by the name of Willy Wonka, who runs a mysterious chocolate factory where amazing and wonderful sweets such as Ever-Lasting Gobstoppers and scrumptious chocolate bars are made from top secret schemes. After being hit by corporate espionage, Wonka fires all his employees and closes his factory doors to the public... Until now. For the first time since he shut the doors some twenty odd years ago (think Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch or Howard Hughes’ house) -- Willy Wonka is opening the factory to five kids who are lucky enough to find a golden ticket in one of his famous chocolate bars that are sold all over the world. Charlie (Finding Neverland’s Freddie Highmore), a poor, but good-hearted kid, Augustus Gloop, a fat and glutinous child, Veruca Salt, a spoiled English kid, Violet Beauregarde, an overly competitive girl, and Mike Teavee, a genius kid who appears to have ADD -- are the lucky five. Each child is to be accompanied by one guardian and we can see how each child got to be the way they are now by that chosen guardian. These five kids are perfect examples of the kind of children we see these days.

Inside the factory is where the fun really begins though. It is like Disneyland on acid. The factory has edible plants and landscape, a chocolate waterfall, and little creatures called Oompa Loompas that service the factory. In this version of Roald Dahl’s tale, the Oompa Loompas look like an army of identical middle-aged midget East Indians (actor Deep Roy was digitally replicated like a million times), who happen to perform sensational musical numbers with zany choreography. As they make their way through the factory, the tour group keeps decreasing -- one naughty child at a time.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is as much about chocolate as it is a commentary on children and how they are raised. Even Willy Wonka himself has numerous flashbacks about his relationship with his father (Tim Burton fav, Christopher Lee), who ironically was a respected dentist. The film reminds us of what it truly means to be a child and that it does not include activities such as shooting people in video games, excessive eating, or extreme competitiveness. The film has heart with its message and is a fun ride as well. Zooming around the factory in a glass elevator and sailing across a chocolate rivers is about as fun as any ride at an amusement park and of course it goes without saying that Johnny Depp gives another wonderful performance as Willy Wonka, channeling Michael Jackson’s creepy but friendly demeanor. Park rides and Johnny Depp... could this be the secret formula for blockbuster movies?

So, whether you are a parent, teenager, child, or a child-at-heart -- I encourage you to enjoy Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and be reminded of what fun is.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: Loads of sweet entertainment.

The Bad: May frighten some very young and sensitive children.

The Law: Fun for the whole family -- take a bite!

"POINT OF REVIEW"


A Simple Plan
Starring Bill Paxton, Billy Bob Thornton, Bridget Fonda
Written by Scott B. Smith and Directed by Sam Raimi


Nothing is simple in life is it? Work, family, friends, happiness... We all struggle to find a place in the world where we can “have it all”, so to speak. The dream life. Whatever your definition of happiness or dream life is -- doesn’t it always seem like it spins around one thing? Yeah, money. A Simple Plan is a beautifully executed film about those two exact things: money and happiness -- and how they always seem to butt-heads with one another.

Bill Paxton plays Hank Mitchell, a simple man who leads a simple life. He has a beautiful wife with a baby due any minute and a reputable job running a hardware store in a snow-filled small-town where everybody knows everybody and is as sweet as apple pie. Is he happy? Everybody believes he is, especially his unemployed less-than-attractive, dopey brother, Jacob, played by Billy Bob Thornton and his overweight, also unemployed friend who mooches off his wife. Well, that is all about to change...

One morning as the three of them go to visit the grave of Papa Mitchell, they happen to stumble upon a plane in the middle of a dark and creepy forest blanketed by snow and filled with cawing crows. Nothing really special, except for the fact that inside the plane they find one very dead pilot and a bag with 4.4 million dollars in it. At first, Hank’s boy scout ways urge him to report the situation to the authorities, but after some good old fashioned peer pressure and just the sheer sight of so much money in one area and in such close distance -- Hank does what any of us would do -- he comes up with a simple plan. From that point on we don’t need the numerous crows to tell us that things are about to get incredibly “un-simple”.

Based on the novel of the same name by Scott B. Smith and directed by the always skillful, Sam Raimi (Spider-Man, Evil Dead), A Simple Plan is a complex story about the dark-side of humans when it comes to greed and a thrilling look at how much happiness is really worth. A Simple Plan is filled with tension, betrayal, suspense, twists, plenty of turns, and lots of crows (a very nice nod to the master of suspense and evil himself, Alfred Hitchcock -- who Sam Raimi is a huge fan of). And like a classic Alfred Hitchcock film, A Simple Plan delivers on so many levels. The performances are beyond spectacular with each character peeling away layers of themselves to reveal their true selves as the plot unfolds (Billy Bob Thornton is at the top of his game, showing us that dim-witted people probably have the most dimensions to their character) and Sam Raimi constructs each scene with great care, giving us scenes that just get better and better as the film progresses -- leaving the audience salivating before each scene begins.

A Simple Plan is wonderful storytelling and skillful filmmaking. Quite simply, it is one of the best films you will ever see.


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: An excellently executed suspense/thriller.

The Bad: Alfred Hitchcock is not alive to congratulate Sam Raimi.

The Law: A Simple Plan is an excellent example of a good story that turned into a great film.

"POINT OF REVIEW"

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley
Written by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio
Directed by Gore Verbinski


Who would have thought that a film based on a Disney theme park ride would turn into such a smash at the box-office ($135.6 million in a record breaking weekend). Well, if you told me that the film were to be produced by mega-producer Jerry Bruckheimer (CSI, Bad Boys, Armageddon, man who bought a small-town for his wife) and it would star the eccentrically lovable Johnny Depp as a quasi-queer pirate who appears to be a close cousin of The Rolling Stone’s Keith Richards, named Jack Sparrow -- then I would have said: “Oh yeah, I can see that being big”. Throw in Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, two of Hollywood’s most yummiest thespians and a bunch of special effects and I bet you could make the Tea Cup ride into a blockbuster as well.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is a fun ride (ha ha, get it? ride? nevermind). It is an immaculate summer movie. It has a story (believe it or not) and some really funny and action packed sequences. The film takes place a year-or-so after the first Pirates and has Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) about to marry Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), but not before they get arrested for helping Captain Jack from the first POTC and now must find and convince him to work for the government in exchange for their freedom. From that point on, I wouldn’t say that Dead Man’s Chest is the most coherent film of all time, but then again how coherent can a pirate film be. Like I said, with such a talented cast and producer (I’m not sure Gore Verbinski had much to do besides pointing the camera in the right direction and cashing Jerry’s cheques) -- the film pretty much rolls from one fun scene to another. Basically the filmmakers come up with a reason for all this fun (a mysterious Dead Man’s Chest) and then off we go! Pretty simple, eh? And when things get even remotely boring, Verbinski knows that the best way to fix that is to simply bring out Johnny Depp.

There is no denying that Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest would not even be half as fun without the presence of Johnny Depp and his Captain Jack Sparrow (Disney ironically hated Depp’s interpretation of the character, but an Oscar nod and millions of dollars later, Disney seems to have shut their mouths). Johnny Depp makes the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Period. No “ifs”, “buts”, or “ands” about it. Every minute of the film that contains Johnny Depp just makes you smile. Pure entertainment.

So besides actually going to a Disney theme park this summer, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is probably going to be one of the most fun things you can do (Go see Superman Returns also -- refer to previous review below). I wonder what Disney ride they will make into a movie next... How about Space Mountain starring Michael Jackson and Tom Cruise...


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: Lots of fun!!!

The Bad: Whenever Johnny Depp is not on the screen.

The Law: Go see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest for some adventure and laughs. THEN go see Superman Returns! (What can I say -- I am a loyal Superman fan)