The Avengers
Starring Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery
Written by Don MacPherson, Directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik


When the opening credits of a film are the most exciting part of the film, that is a big problem. This and many other horrible, horrible things is true of The Avengers. The Avengers is a very, very, bad film that is far worse than you can even imagine. Yes, it is that bad.

The film is based on the popular British television series of the same name starring the far more charming duo of Patrick Macnee and Diana Rigg. Although very charming people in person, I am sure -- Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman have the chemistry and entertainment value of a piece of cardboard and a soda cracker. Ralph Fiennes plays John Steed, an agent in the British Ministry, who teams up with Mrs. Emma Peel, a beautiful doctor, and together they trot off together to investigate a diabolical plot led by one Sir August de Wynter, played by a very out-of-place, Sean Connery. Sir August de Wynter is planning to take over the world with a weather control machine and it is up to Steed and Peel to stop him. If only someone could have stopped the filmmakers from making this film!

The Avengers tries to lace the script with the wit and charm of a James Bond movie, but at times I swear the back-and-forth between the characters is better in a porn film. The action is flat and at no point do you ever feel for any of the characters or what happens next. Having looked up previous and current work done by the director and screenwriter of this film, it appears that they have not done much before and since The Avengers came out. Hmm... I wonder why?

I stayed away from this film for the longest time and now I wish I had continued doing that. After watching the film I had a massive headache and wanted to rip my head off. Please, I warn you -- DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WATCH THE AVENGERS NO MATTER WHAT!


THE RUNDOWN:

The Good: There is nothing good about this film.

The Bad: Where do I begin...

The Law: Just pretend this film does not exist. You are better off, trust me.